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Negative Guy with Negative Thoughts



There is always that thing inside of us, all of us. You know what I’m talking about. That shadowy figure, a manifestation of all those negative emotions, fear, doubt, anger, frustration, loneliness and sadness. Whenever we feel any of these emotions, it always rears it’s ugly little head. Telling us that we’re worthless, and those thoughts get more deep into our subconscious. 

You know it’s funny, I always can be positive towards others but when it comes to me, it’s the opposite. Why do we do this to ourselves? Even the happiest person, can never be 100% happy, they have their episodes and so do we. 

I would say there are two ends of the spectrum, one end being people who have these thoughts and talks to someone. The other end are those who have negative thoughts but try to hide it. I would say I lean more to that side. I always tell myself, that these issues are minor, I don’t need to tell someone. Whenever I do want to tell someone, fear grabs hold of me. I don’t want to bother people with my problems, I don’t want to be the one to ruin someone’s day. 

I’ve always been like this, always keeping it inside me, smiling on the outside pretending everything is alright. 

But is it really fine? Am I okay? 

I always have to keep telling myself that, I never know when the switch flips. When it does, my mind gets dark. It hasn’t gone to the extreme, but I do think that at times, I’m worthless. I’m no good to anyone? 

It’s good I can get those moments of happiness with my many hobbies, I do see those as my escape from all the things life throws at us. 

Before I know, it’s back again. The darkness, swallowing everything, my hopes, dreams, confidence. If I had explain it metaphorically, I would say it’s like being swallowed up by pitch black water. The water is so dark, that nothing can be seen and not me, trying to stay afloat. 

Even if thoughts do come, I’m glad I do have friends now. Those friends from sixth form, and university. I don’t think I have ever felt more loved. It isn’t just them, it’s also the kind accepting people I meet at work. Even without telling them, I know they are genuine. I know that one look at their smiles and getting those hugs, it feels me with warmth. I know they are there to care. 

My darkness will be there and so will yours. I know it’s scary getting help, the thought of rejection can come. But find the strength, take a friend with you, hold their hand. 

I thought I would share my story, and maybe you can share yours. We all are human, we all have struggles and there are those there to help. 

Hope you always have a fabulous day. 

Kite x 
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